Best craigslist car ad ever

"OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants."

Optima Swap...

This being a slow weekend filled with graduate school paper-writing, I took a break for a little bit of automotive karma adjustment. With the GT6 away for the winter I had been "borrowing" its 25-series Optima Red Top for the WRX. Not an exact fit, but more CCA than the crappy OEM battery....only issue is that the terminals are reversed (damn Brits) so had to do some creative and sloppy-looking wiring. Since I really can't abide by sloppy wiring, and the GT6 needs its battery back, it was time to do some swapping. 25-series back into the GT6, and a new 35-series with the correct terminals into the WRX. Automotive karmic balance is now back to normal.

I'm sure it will shave seconds off my autocross time!

Next season I'll probably get my hands on a lightweight Braille battery or similar to drop 10-15lbs out of the nose of the car, but can't run that year-round due to low capacity, so for the time being a new red top is good enough.


back in the GT6

 

in the WRX. On the left you can see my new GrimmSpeed brake master cylinder brace.

One of the biggest PITA installs for such a small part, but well worth it.

 

 



The Garage

Where I spend alot of my time, and alot of my creativity in fitting all my junk into basically a single bay, since Carin's 4Runner parks on the other side. Right now it's clear for working, but during the summer the GT6 parks in this side too - so everything is arranged to allow working space even with a very small British sportscar in the way.

The garage is in perpetual motion, and I'm constantly changing the setup, the arrangement, and trying to find more space that doesn't exist to fit more stuff that I accrue constantly while working on cars.

The house from the front. Usually the 4Runner parks inside

My rollaway workbench that fits under the main one. In lipstick red, just because.

My work area, storage area, etc

The front end with storage loft. And Lexy's parking area.

The backyard garage. So happy to have this as it keeps all the yard stuff out of "my" garage,

and serves as a storage bay for the Triumph in the winter. I may start parking it back here all

year now that I built a new double-door gate on the side of the house.

The end of the Original Fairfax Maxima croo?

It's a sad moment to think that the last member of the "OG Fairfax 5th Gen Croo" (we didn't actually call ourselves that!) is days away from selling his 2003 sapphire blue metallic, as soon as he can get all the aftermarket stuff off of it. Why is this sad? Maybe because very few people "mod" a 4-door fullsize sedan and I think collectively the few of us in Fairfax County who did, did it tastefully with both performance and appearance in mind. Most of us have moved on to something faster, newer, bigger, or smaller for various reasons but the "4DSC" group will be missed only because of its rarity as a "tuner" car. So here's to a few of these guys and their cars, which as of next week will all be gone....and I hear my old 2000, sold 2 years ago, has now been sold again by Albert.

The last one to go will be Joel's, arguably the best-looking and best-modded of the group.....

a few pics of my old 2000....full suspension, frame bracing, BBK, ypipe, CBE, several sets of wheels, every bushing, brace, and chassis mod I could do, and 180k miles the VQ30DEK still ran perfectly....

still the best commercial of the last few years....

well, there is now a follow-up commercial to this that's getting heavy rotation during the NCAA tournament games. It's pretty good.....but it makes me want to watch the original one 10 more times, simply because it was so awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkB9OT2XVvA

why is this commercial so awesome. as I like to do, let me count the reasons:
1. the phrase "opulence, I has it" has never been uttered anywhere, ever, until this commercial was made.
2. there are actual dogs playing poker in the background at the beginning.
3. "I also like savingz de money"
4. The girl to his left on the couch is literally the dictionary definition of "trashy Russian girl." Great casting.
5. "I jump in it"
and of course the best part:
MINIATURE GIRAFFE!!!!!

brilliant.

Music Commentary - The Action Design "Connect Disconnect"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDzBWsWyOZY&feature=related

This is a link to the Action Design song "Connect Disconnect." I can't upload it because it's against the "terms of service" to upload stuff that isn't yours. So you get a link to youtube, where someone else did exactly that, in violation of their terms of service. Anyhow...

I can think of ten reasons I like this video
1. The lead singer, Emily, was previously known as "Agent M" when she was in the punk band Tsunami Bomb. And that's a cool name for the singer of a punk band I think.
2. At the :20 mark, her hair is blowing around in a mysterious breeze.
3. Using a microphone with a cord is old-school and awesome..
4. She is wearing a sheer dress, and knee-high double-strapped boots. I approve.
5. The bassist mysteriously is able to play the piano and his bass at the same time in the breakdown. Geddy Lee, anyone?
6. The look she gives the camera at the 2:11 mark when she says "please don't forget" in the sweetest possible voice.
7. The drummer is wearing a derby cap, and looks cool doing it. It is hard to look cool in a derby, which is why I never wear mine.
8. Whatever she did to her hair, I love it.
9. The drummer is wearing converse all-stars low-cuts.
10. And I really like the song.

Yesterday's Autocross season opener with the new setup

went....well, can't really tell. Since last season ended, the Subaru has gone from STi springs to Racecomp Yellows (330#) and from stock shocks to Bilsteins/GTWorx. Also a stage 1 tune. Also swapped full-tread RE01-R's in 225/45/17 for Shaved Yoko AD08's 245/40/17 on 15lb 17x8 wheels that won the DC region STX class last year (on someone else's car, of course).

At this first event (BMW car club at Waldorf stadium) I did manage to widen the gap between me and the guys who I usually am close with. So that's good. On the downside, the national STU champ, the DC area STU champ, and the DC STX champ were all present with much more complete-built cars and I was about 4 seconds off the pace of the fastest of them (all in STi's). So baby-steps. I felt faster than usual (or more out of control) but these tires in particular will take some getting used to for sure.

Results were finally posted. Josh Luster, the STU national champion, had FTD for the entire event, and in my class (X2) him and 3 other drivers too top-4 in the class in Subies (co-driving two of the fastest autocross STi's in the country. Jon Moon, the usual top dog at NCC events, took 5th about 2 seconds off the real fast guys. I took 9th about 4 seconds off the top guys, which I consider pretty good in a field of 20 cars for this class. I did manage to beat ALL of the Mazdaspeed3's, Cobalt SS's, and SRT4's, which is always a goal for me.

Other cars that beat me were an RX-8 on r-comps (grr), a 370z (also on r-comps I think), and a Porsche GT3. Being within 2 seconds of a well-driven car that costs 5x as much as mine makes me feel better :)

The real upside is that I'm now almost 2 seconds faster than two cars that I was head-to-head with last season and use as benchmarks, and gained a second or so on Jon Moon, the class leader. So the new tires, wheels, and suspension are making a difference.

A fantastic week in gray Germany

I just returned from a week in dreary, rainy, cold Germany - and had a great time. I was there for business in Berlin, but flew in a day early to Munich to I could drive the Autobahn. Rented a 2.0T diesel Audi wagon and it was a great drive. I got the car up to 225 km/hr (roughly 135mph) which is as fast as it would go - and was still getting passed. Averaged 110mph or so from Munich to Berlin (including a few stops) and still managed to get 39 miles per gallon.

REMIND ME AGAIN WHY THE HELL WE DON'T HAVE MORE DIESELS IN THE USA???

Once in Berlin, days were spent on business and nights out on the town. I spent most of my time with a few coworkers and one of our local hosts and enjoyed every minute of it - the cold, the constant drizzle, and the inability to know where the hell I was going on the subway. Another highlight was spending St.Paddy's day in the best and largest Irish pub in Berlin, which was packed in a way I don't recall since being in NYC on a Saturday night. Unlike US bars, where one must be careful not to be too "aggressive" making ones way throught a crowd or making contact, in Europe in bars contact is expected and you find yourself getting pretty "personal" with pretty much everyone you need to get by.

I won't say much about what I was there for, except to say that during meetings I noticed that professional Germans dress so damn well. Seemingly nobody there is overweight, and everyone wears fitted suits that look sharp as hell. My next round of suits will be more in the Euro-style than my several "American" suits currently in the closet, I think. Yes, I'm a bit metro...

A few other thoughts....

- Business trips with a group of people you don't know very well are great and almost more fun than traveling with people that you know well. By the end, a whole new community is evident - there are always one or two people that you really don't like at all, a few that are just "there," and a couple that you feel like you've been friends with for years even though you've really just spent a week's worth of nights walking around the city, subway, bars and restaurants.

- Being away from home for a week, with it gray and rainy and cold, gave me a strange craving to listen to the Cure on my iPod.



- While I know it's a result of a huge amount of taxation in Europe, American infrastructure and transportation sucks compared to Germany. The autobahn is smooth as glass at 100mph. In Berlin the sidewalks are small cobblestones - constanly being fixed if even one is out of place or loose - with a smooth bike lane running down the center. Don't walk in the bike lanes, you WILL get run over. Also don't cross against a red walk signal at a crosswalk. If you do, the locals will scold you and say "you're setting a bad example for the children." The Germans are so organized, so precise in the way everything is set up - at least in Berlin - that it makes our infrastructure seem crude and sloppy in comparison. I do think this is a Teutonic mindset though, because I never noticed the same living in Italy or visiting many other European countries.

The architecture in Berlin is excellent, also...

- Driving: Back to the beltway now is SO frustrating. The Germans drive aggressively, but they make lane changes, turns, stops, and other automotive moves with perfect sense. On a 3-lane highway that's empty and going 110? The German driver will be in the right lane so the guy going 120 can pass him in the middle and the guy doing 130 can pass HIM in the left. After making a pass, German drivers immediately move over to the farthest-right lane that they can. Driving home from the airport I found myself screaming at the morons doing 5-under in the left lane and the other morons going 20-over and passing on the right.

- Vehicles: The utter lack of SUVs (other than the occasional Mercedes or Porsche "crossover") is excellent. No hulking Suburbans blocking one's view of what is up ahead. That's one reason everyone can drive so fast - you can see 10 cars ahead since everyone drives CARS not guzzling behemoths. It is, however, funny to see a BMW or Audi or Benz station wagon towing a small box-trailer behind it. I even saw a BMW M5 and an Aston Vantage towing a trailer. You notice that in europe, EVERY car has a tow hitch....the subcompacts, the sedans, and even most of the Porsches....

Another thing you notice is the low number of trucks on the highways. Not because they're not allowed there, but because most all cargo in Europe seems to move via rail - because it's cheaper than trucking. We'll see what happens in the US when our gas prices go up.

Well that's it for now. Nobody is reading this anyways, so it's just a reminder to me to reference years down the road I suppose.....

What the title means...

It really doesn't mean anything, just a line from the song Play Dead by the band the Birthday Massacre, who are generally one of my more favorite bands, lyrically-speaking.

introductions....

we'll see how this all works out. The intention here is to talk about mostly automotive-related topics, but I'm sure I'll veer wildly off onto various tangents as life, the world, and events in general dictate....

For the most part, though, the discussion will skew towards my Subaru WRX and it's days of pothole-road driving, thoughts of a DC area beltway commuter, and the autocrosses that I frequently run. I do all my own work on the car - maintenance, upgrades, repairs - except on rare occasions where special equipment is needed that I don't have (e.g. tire mounting). I'll try to document what's new, processes for parts installs, reviews of "mods" and so on as I go along.

I also have a 1970 Triumph GT6 that is currently bundled up for winter in my "backyard garage" (glorified shed). I spent the last two years refurbishing it from a bare frame and it's 90% of how I want it. Unfortunately the few remaining things are the most complicated, most expensive, or most time consuming...so the car remains limited in its use until life allows it to be fully finished.

I have a build thread for it HERE at the Club Triumph UK forums if anyone is interested.

And my garage....my ongoing grassroots project. No fancy stainless steel cabinets. No expensive custom floor. Nope, it's all about packing a super-functional workspace into a standard 2-car garage, and still allowing 2 cars to be brought inside if needed! I constantly tinker with the setup, constantly build new shelves, workbenches, and other random configurations......will talk about my favorite room in the house, no doubt.